Being Thankful for Life

Well folks, for those of you who don't know...today is the day before I head out to Madison for my orientation! I'm feeling more than blessed and excited to start my next life's adventure at such an amazing school. However, as today ends, I'm feeling extremely grateful for all that I have in my life. To be honest, my social groups and people I used to call my friends have shifted as well in my world, and truthfully...I couldn't be any happier. Although it hurt to see the shift happen, I truly believe I'm happier and better off where I am now. Some people are only in our lives for a season! I'm also thankful that I'm a child of God, taking my mistakes, learning from them, and becoming a better me. Goodnight friends!

              

Recognizing Pain and Weakness

Sometimes, people try to hurt us in life. Actually...correction: All the time. However, we have to be able to recognize the pain we receive and do something about it. That's the thing I've been struggling with today in particular. I recognize that I'm hurt and need help, I got help, but I still can't seem to dismiss the cause of it. It's hard to let go of things you once loved. It's like your mind says "stop it and throw it away out of your life," but your heart says, "but there's always hope for a better ending!" Anyways, that's how I'm feeling and I don't know how else to describe that silly word, "love." 

Knowing Myself and Needs

I feel like sometimes we just have to realize what we need individually. There are times in life where we have to be selfish and think what is the best for our own self. For me personally, I have realized that I need to focus on who I am and my destination. By that, I mean- what direction do I want my life to go in and what's going to be my next step? I can tell you right now it's most certainly not with a guy. I feel like realizing that I don't need a guy to be happy has been the biggest obstacle I have overcome this summer. Growing in who I am and realizing my own needs before I'm able to reach out and help other people is most important to me. I like to think of it this way: you can't help broken people if your broken yourself. And with that, here's my selfie (:

        

My Favorite Time of Year (:

The Fourth of July <3 is my ultimate favorite holiday of the entire year. Do you know why? I guess it's just the atmosphere with summer grilling, couples laughing & cuddling together, fireworks going off, and riding in the back seat of dad's car at night with the window rolled down and music blasting. I love this day. It's a day that's also a reminder that this year is half way over, and it gives me a chance to think about all I've done and would like to accomplish for the rest of the year. We all have our favorite holidays, and this one just happens to be mine. Happy Fourth friends! (:

Memories to Shine

Today as I woke up, I began to think of random things (like usual). Actually, I tend to think about memories with special people in my life. But as I was thinking...I started to wonder how life would be if you could chose what memories you wanted to keep and which ones to erase from your brain? I mean, that's why breakups are so hard, right? Because of the memories and fun times you had? Or how about if your friend backstabbed you and now you just want to erase them from your life? This would be amazing if we could erase things from our memories, but then I guess we wouldn't be able to learn from our mistakes and experiences. I feel like that's the best part of life- living and learning. If we were to erase all memories that hurt us, then we wouldn't remember to tell our future self not to do the same thing over again. So Praise The Lord for our memories that save us from future pain! So I guess we're all living and learning together to make a better future for ourselves. I mean, the worst that could possibly happen is that we get to tell our grandchildren what we learned in life? Sounds good to me (: 

Love: Deep in the Well

Have you ever wondered if love is a real thing? Is it something us humans just use to classify a sort of strong feelings towards another being? Or is it a chemical (dopamine) induced feeling that traps us into this cage and is an emotional drag just to get out of? How can one word have so many meanings to it? That's why I enjoy the word love. In Greek, it has many different forms and it's beautiful <3. But what I question is if love is truly real. Of course I know it exists, but does it really? Or is it simply what were "supposed" to do? Love is deep. And I'm not sure I have a handle on it quite yet. 

Fear and Feels

To be truthfully honest, I'm afraid. I'm afraid of the next chapter ahead of me, of failure, of not meeting someone else to walk beside, and being so far away from my family. I always had hope that my ex would come back for me and tell me how much he's sorry and just wants to be there for me. However, I've come to the realization that sometimes the truth is hard to bare, but he's not coming back. No matter how many times my heart stops everytime the doorbell rings in hope it's him (I really wish I could just stop thinking that, but it's hard). And that's what hurts me the most. But as I move on, I'm afraid of what's next. I'm just going to just keep my chin held high and reach for hope and direction in my next chapter of life. My new goal for tomorrow is to write down positive things about myself and make a collage to hang in my dorm room of encouragements. Goodnight World. Thanks for letting me rant to you about how I'm feeling. I love you all.