You, My Love.

When I look into your eyes...it's like the whole world gradually slows down and gravity seizes to exist. 

I'm in this odd shape of existence with you.

And I don't want to leave.

I want to bar the door so no one else can be between us, but you and I. 

I want you.

I want your arms wrapped around mine.

I want your love, and your body as your sweat sticks to mine. 

I want you. 

I want your laughs, jokes, mistakes, and anger. 

Some think I'm crazy, some think I just need a glass of wine,... but if you truly knew me? You'd know that all I need is 

YOU. 

A "you", they say. Who is this "you"?

I'm not sure yet. Or maybe I am. 

But I do know that he's out there, somewhere, staring into my eyes and saying in a toned whisper, 

"don't leave me, my love".

Some days

Some days, I feel just fine. But, other days, I feel like an ice sculpture melting away her own identity to the unknown onlooker...let me tell you- life is a journey, not a hike. It will make you feel like nothing matters, and everything matters in less than day. Do I have anything else to say? No, I think I'm done for today 💙 but yes I'm okay, just expressing my broken heart of shattered dreams. 

To Write, or Not to Write?

I’m not a writer. I never have been. I’ve spent days dreaming of who I would be in the future, a person of success and happiness- With a college degree in one hand and the love of a lifetime from an unrealistic man in the other.

But, I’m not a writer. I never have been.

Writing isn’t just about being the best you can. Writing is about taking the words and dreams painted in your heart and making them come to life on paper. Writing gives us an opportunity to express ourselves in ways we may not have otherwise been able to.

Did you hear me? I’m not a writer. I never have been.

It helps distinguish the unkown and communicate things we never thought we could. We take a word, and give it weight... like the pounds of emptiness in our hearts alongside the walls of broken dreams in our aortic chambers.

Okay, stupid, I’m not a writer. I never have been.

Your right, I’m not. Your not. We’re not just writers, we’re people. We’re not stupid, we’re human. Humans with the power to write our own souls. People with dreams, broken ones and ones that will come to life. We’re  human beings with the need to belong, be loved, and to live. We live lives that deserve….to be written.

We are people. We are writers. We are Dreamers. But most importantly, we’re Human Beings... destined to be loved with a pen and paper in hand.

With love from a dreaming human,

Me

Transfer Feelings Explained

Hey friends! I haven't been on here in so long, I almost forgot I even had a blog. So this is how it happened: tonight as I was avoiding homework, I stumbled across this art of writing (aka my blog haha) I had been creating during one of the biggest transitions in my life. I was amazed but also blessed by the things I said because it reminded me of the bittersweet memories at Madison and it also taught me things I needed to be reminded of today.

But hey, I'm sure you want to know more of a life update from me, because, hey-it's been some months.

Any-who, over the course of the past year or so so much has changed in my life. If you would've told me in high school how my undergraduate career would go, I probably wouldn't have embarked on the boat called, "college."

But anyways, in the Fall of 2016 I transferred to a smaller school closer to home. When I say smaller, I mean SIGNIFICANTLY SMALLER than Madison. When I first transferred I felt very lost and alone, and separated from reality since absolutely no one around me seemed to understand what I was going through since transferring was like a "taboo of failures." I don't know why people saw transferring as a bad thing-isn't it empowering to have the courage to make a change when you know it's needed? I think so. So here's what happened: I had finally made my semi-solidified friend groups at Madison, but then, what felt like over night,  I was being thrown into the pit of every persons fears for a second time around to find friends and a new life. I chose to transfer not because I didn't love Madison though, I chose to transfer because Madison didn't fit me and who I wanted to become. Do I know exactly what that means? No, I don't, but I do know that I had a gut feeling God was calling me elsewhere, so I left.

I love my new school though. There's great people, great friends, experiences I have had thus far that I will never forget, and academics that push me pass my comfort zone. I feel like over the past year or so I have changed for the better and I can't thank God enough for what has happened and how things have played out in my life recently.

Although things have been going well at my new school, there's also been some struggles that I have been going through but also learning. When I first enrolled here, I had issues with class year and transfer credits and all the crazy hassles transfer students have to go through that no other  "normal" undergraduate student seems to understand (whatever that means). So the entire first year I spent here, I was constantly being mistaken for the wrong class year, dis-cluded from my class year activities, and I was always ALWAYS the person who never got the email for 2019 nursing majors. Oh yeah! I don't think I mentioned that before either, but I also decided that Nursing is my passion and thus my major for college as well. I'll do another blog post about Nursing though because that area of my life is so meaningful to me.

Another struggle I went through when transferring was dealing with getting into the courses that I needed. I could never get into courses for my class year. So often times, I was just placed in these awkward freshman classes where I had that weird 2 minute intro about myself on the first day of class where I explain my whole situation of transferring and losing credits and blah blah blah where everyone "pretends to listen" but actually has no f--ing clue what your talking about. But suddenly when I say I transferred from University of Wisconsin-Madison everyone seems confused as to why I'd leave one of the most legendary schools in America. Yep, that was my life in a nut shell when I first came here. But, as time went on I didn't get asked as much and I stopped letting the "transfer student" title hold me back from my success and future here.

Although I am in the class of 2019, I also had unfortunate events happen over the summer of 2017 in my family. Furthermore, it put me behind in credits so I will be graduating in 2020 after all since nursing courses move in blocks that can't be rearranged or moved around. Even though this was kind of hard on me emotionally at first, I think it is for the best and I think God has a reason for everything he does in my life. But anyways, I think I've rambled enough. I'd like to do more blog posts about my feelings since that has been something I have been battling with and getting it into words to help others is very powerful in such positive ways.  I hope you all have a good rest of your week <3 Write to you soon!

The Cliff

        Hey everyone! I haven't been on my blog lately, and that's mostly due to life directing my attention towards pursuing a Nursing degree! But anyways, I really want to share an experience I had earlier this week at a school Lutheran service. The pastor shared something I think is so evident in my life, and it may be for you too. He spoke about how he had a scary experience with rock climbing, and the rock he had been latched to started to fail him. Then, he went on to say that sometimes, the things in our life that seem to be a rock, and have us grounded, end up being the things that fall apart on us. Are you holding onto temporary things in your life that you know won't support you for long?

Of course the pastor probably explained it about twenty times better than I just did-- However, my point is that, even in my own life I have been looking for fulfillment in temporary things. Recently, I've really had to take a step back and look at my life and reevaluate what I set as my priorities. Not going to lie, for the longest time all  I wanted was a boyfriend. I would do anything to just have a boyfriend. But I'm realizing that...this is just a temporary fix to the emptiness inside of me. Having a man in my life won't fix me, and he SHOULDN'T fix me- because thats my job. Dating isn't all it's cracked up to be either, just in case you're wondering (lol, but seriously though). So, I'm taking a step back from the dating life and focusing on ME. Because when you force things to work in your life at a specific time, things fall apart. You and I both have to focus on God (if you're a believer, but if not, then maybe destiny), and trust that the right timing will come for your wants and desires. It may not be now, or tomorrow, or next week, but when you follow your heart, many doors tend to open and you're rock may support you.

With love,
Amelia

Jump.

Hey everyone! I know it's been awhile since I have been on my blog, and I apologize for that. The past few months have been so crazy and have changed so drastically words can't even express. Just a little background of what's going on in my life: I decided to transfer colleges, and I honestly couldn't be any happier with my decision. Due to privacy, I won't share which college, but I do know that I am in a much healthier and more positive situation now. Going through the transition process as a sophomore hasn't been easy, but I have no regrets. I believe this is where God wants me to be, and may his will be done.

Now, today, I just felt led to talk about jumping. I mean, who doesn't like to jump? Who am I kidding, jumping is tiring after about the tenth time my feet clang to the floor and my heart rate is racing. So I mean, physically, jumping probably isn't my most favorite thing to do, but it definitely was as a child playing jump rope with my friends.  But that's besides the point. Today I want to talk about "jumping" in a figurative sense. Sometimes in life we see something, we know we want it, but we're too afraid to go and grab it. For me, it was transferring colleges. I was afraid. The interesting thing is that transfers seem to have an even harder time fitting in and not only that but also getting through the mall-check security of administration leaders. However, all of that set aside, again, I knew it was time for me to jump. I knew it was time for me to leave my last school. I saw the opportunity and doors open, and God began to move pieces of my life around so that I too, would be able to take a leap of faith in Him as well. Sometimes, jumping is hard. Taking an extra leap of faith into something you have no idea what the outcome will be can be one of the most challenging and scariest things to go through in life. I mean, who would want to go to a completely new campus after already obtaining a solid friend group in a completely different state? Well guess what, I would, and I did. I guess what I'm trying to say today is that I encourage my readers and myself to find something in your life that you can jump for. Find that one thing you seem to think is impossible, or something you have been wanting for a long time, and take a leap of faith and go for it. You'll never know unless you try, and you'll never know if you never give it a whirl. It's up to you, but with jumping also comes growth. The more you jump, the more you find yourself, the more you learn, and the happier you can become. Jumping isn't just physical, its also mental. So, are you going to jump or not?

Frozen Windows.

      Hey there! It’s been forever since I have written on my blog, but I am glad to be back! I’m not sure how many of you read my blog, but if you’re reading this, I’m glad you are here. I’m glad you’re reading what I have to say about life and I hope you find it somewhat interesting. Here’s my little piece of writing for today. Interpret it however you want to. Remember, what I say is what I feel like writing about, not necessarily things going on in my life. Enjoy. 

Frozen Windows

Its frustrating seeing him leave. I have decided to let go, but now I am numb to the others. It’s hard to find someone when all your love is disappeared. Shattered. Taken away. Gone like the rain running down the window pane. You feel absolutely nothing. You hear someone shouting outside, but their words are so muffled you sit there in silence watching the raindrops quickly slide to the bottom of the window pane. You sit there completely lost. You know what you want to do, you want to let the person inside...but you don’t know how to yet. You sit there patiently waiting. Waiting until you no longer feel the frozenness of your heart, and the stillness of your emotions. Will I ever feel again?